out of the nest joy.

It was a year in the making.  Last January, Audrey missed placing top three in the St. Jude's meet all round by .5 of a point.  She was crushed, annoyed, felt sorry for herself and realized for the first time that she likes to win, better than she likes to lose.  There were other meets, exciting moments and goals reached but the elusive globe......never left her little mind.  This last Sunday was her day to sing the Redemption Song by Bob Marley.  In her little world, this was big stuff about to happen.  She worked hard at practice, did extra stretches, prayed, worried, negotiated and drew pictures of what it would look like.  Her heart and mind were set on a top three placement and nothing was going to stop her.  I wondered if I should let her perseverate like this.  I worried that she was setting herself up for a fall and a disappointment.  I asked for advice, I prayed to God to show me what to do or say.  In the end I just let it go, laid it at His feet.  I knew that God was going to use this moment in her life to teach her something, to move her in a certain direction.  So I cheered, I prayed, but most importantly I ENJOYED her moment, realizing that it was just that-hers.  I am learning that as a mom, as the days tick by, the movement of your child goes in the opposite direction.  The natural occurrence is for the "birds to leave the nest" and there is a certain joy specific to letting that happen.  Sure, I don't want my children to fail, I don't want them to be hurt-but when they succeed, when they fly-I want it to be their moment.  The joy is different, but even better.  For example if you throw your kid the BEST birthday party, invite all of the right kids, spend money and it is successful-you might feel like you did something to "move them forward" make them more popular, made their friends think they were cool.  But in that process, you have taken all of the joy of the journey away from them and even though they benefit-it is not the same thing.  The joy that I felt letting Audrey take this thing on by herself was a good joy, a fill-you-up-brand of joy.  I didn't give her a speech, I didn't feed her power food, I didn't grease the beam for the girl that went before her.  I let it go.  I let the joy happen. 

this photo is the joy in progress

 

it's all hers

audrey's joy

and it was good.